February 2025

Life

1 Mar

This month has been a long month for one with so few days.

The first and most obvious thing that has happened to me this month is that I’ve launched Sighing Bear, which I’m thoroughly enjoying. I spent a bulk of time working on getting all my old posts from other platforms over, adding some new ones I never got around to writing about, and getting the hang of Squarespace. I do have that feeling of wanting to have everything pristine and complete, with loads of content, but this is a long term thing, and what I need to keep reminding myself

For Imbolc this year Min and I took the pup to West Walk, Forest of Bere to have a look for signs of new life, unfortunately there wasn’t any signs of new life, however it was a lovely walk. I also did a tarot spread for myself which gave me some insight into my life. In the past I neglected my needs and put the needs of others before myself, but since my divorce I have learnt that I cannot pour from an empty glass, so have started to be a little bit ‘selfish’ by sowing the seeds for my future. Presently I’m biting off more than I can chew which is overwhelming me with so many projects and plans, what I need to be doing is prioritising the more urgent ones and making them bitesize, rather than everything being a major project. However my future is looking secure, filled with love and security, which ties in to my past and sowing the seeds, it makes me optimistic that I’m heading in the right direction.

I also did a spread for the Snow Moon which gave me much the same; that I was low on resources which I tied into my physical health this month, as well as my mental health with the loss of somebody who was very important to me. However the spread indicated that I need to stop dwelling on these sorts of people and letting them absorb my energy and negatively impact my life. It hinted that in doing this and focusing my energy on the people who have stood with me, do give back what I put in, that as above, my future will be secure, happy, and I will be able to spend those resources on people who actually want to be around me.

At the start of the month I had builders come in to fix my garage which was falling to pieces, replacing two doors, a garage door, also to replace my front door and have a new porch built, as well as having the entry hall and landing completely redecorated. This has met multiple complications, kicked up some stress, frustration, and weird emotions. As I write this it’s actually getting close to completion, although only having the porch door and all that glass does leave you feeling a tad exposed. Having labourers in the house constantly has been quite a social and mental drain!

For Valentines last year I exchanged a card and gift with Min but we didn’t do much else, this year we wanted to do something to mark the day, even though we are of the belief that Valentine’s Day is more for those who aren’t involved already, want to send that card to their crush, are looking for new love. So rather than doing the whole traditional thing that seems to be what everyone does, we booked an axe throwing session — Unfortunately I messed up my arm and Min messed up their back, so we’ve had to reschedule this — but on a plus we’ll be experiencing axe throwing for the first time, on Ostara.

Back on November 10th 2024 I basically adopted a jack-chi after their owner abandoned him in part of a divorce, over the months I’ve adapted to living with a dog, something I haven’t done since I was a child. Having a dog in the house has been a curse and a blessing, he’s such a lovely little guy but does limit some of the things we can do. Unfortunately this month we had a bit of a scare with him and he somehow managed to hurt himself, the vet gave him some yummy drugs and he seems to have improved. He also celebrated his 14th birthday!

My child took part in the Sister Act Jr performance at school which was really lovely to watch them perform in, but more importantly was the connections they are making with other children across different years, and of different genders. It’s taken them out of that small web of primary school children into the larger world where there’s more diversity.

An old friend who I haven’t seen in 8 years was in the area, so he came to visit and we had a good catch up, there are friends that you have in your orbit that you can go for years without seeing, then pick up from where you left off, it’s a nice feeling - but I don’t want to leave it 8 years again! A couple of other friends were down in Portsmouth at their house, who we hadn’t seen since last year so we had a good catch up with them! I also had another friend come down to visit overnight which was lovely to have the company of and so good to catch up with her after so long! I find making new friends as an adult quite difficult which is why every friendship I have is valuable. With Portsmouth being a city I came to as an adult rather than somewhere I grew up, I don’t have that history with people that comes from growing up with them.

I’ve been enjoying a few video games this month too; Orcs Must Die! Deathtrap has been keeping me entertained when I’ve fancied some mindless carnage, as well as Avowed which I am finding to be a very immersive story rich game. I subscribed to the Xbox Game Pass to experiment with playing on my Samsung TV, but I’ve kept it running as there’s been some fantastic games on it, and some games I’m looking forward to in the coming months.

Those who know me know that my child had a viral infection that caused partial facial paralysis, after years of waiting they had their first op but due to issues with the surgeon leaving the second op was delayed by almost two years. However this month Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH) contacted me and set a confirmed date for the operation! This is really good news as the second op has been hanging over us all for some time; my child is equally excited to get it over and done with, but scared as it’s quite a bit of surgery. The thing that excites them the most as that they get 8 weeks (well 9 when you factor in half term) off school. This month I’ve been busy working on the logistics of it all as I’ll be spending a week up in London to be there for them. I’m a bit anxious about it as I am going to end up spending a lot of time around my ex during that week, and I find her very draining.

My partner’s divorce finalised this month too which had a significant impact on us both. He was my metamour and a brother to me, but he had changed so much behind closed doors, to the point that I don’t recognise him anymore, his moral compass has gone completely askew. I’m sad to have lost him as a best friend and brother, and I do believe that a third party has guided him in a negative direction, but his actions are his own. I had hoped that at the end of it all we could remain friends but he removed me from social media, from all gaming platforms (Steam, Epic, etc), and blocked me on all messenging platforms, so I think it’s fair to say that, that’s the end of that.

Sleep has been something I’ve been struggling with this month; the dog has been waking me at silly hours, I’ve been stressing about some of the build going on at my house and the clutter that comes with that, the logistics of my child’s operation and spending a week in London, as well as general day to day life.